Amal

As a matter of fact, I don’t see any person a queer individual or anything else, they’re all the same to me, I try to treat people based on the fact that we’re all just people. These are not ideas that have been formed, but rather a new knowledge that I have gained into a community new to me, because naturally when you meet new people you start exploring different stories, and gaining new expertise.

My first experience with someone from the queer community was with a very normal person; I didn’t know that at first, I knew him personally. The good thing about him is that he accepts this, he doesn’t treat the fact that he’s a homosexual as if it’s something he’s supposed to hide, or that it’s something bad or wrong, and that was comfortable to me. I believe I wouldn’t have known how to treat someone who doesn’t accept himself, or I don’t know how I would treat him. It was great that the first person I deal with understands what, how, and where he is, or tried to understand what he is without following a certain pattern, he acted comfortably. Later in life, when I dealt with other people that have behaviors bizarre to me, especially that I take time to adapt, it took me longer to be comfortable around them.

My tendencies being different don’t make me a different person. The thought of the difference between us wasn’t present in my mind, I am accepting of the person in front of me. You like to do this, so do it; and I am generally like that with everyone, what you’re convinced with and you want, do just that. I didn’t think much about what this person does, and hence the matter wasn’t an obstacle that I had to overcome to be able to deal with him.

I will take everything back to its origin, the revolution was the start, the revolution came in a time when I was young and although I know that its effect is different from one person to the other with the variation of age and social categories, maybe some people weren’t affected by it at all, yet it had a fundamental effect on me; it made me think of who I am and how I’ll treat people that are different from me, especially in a time when there were a lot of opinions and everyone were in constant fights…. Thus, a question appears on how to deal with all of those people, how to deal with the difference no matter what its reason is. Although I also lived in a village and I had little contact, yet the revolution got me to clear positions; I am human, I have rights, I am a free individual and my freedom is my right not a gift, and how will I guarantee my freedom if I suppress the freedom of someone else who is different from me, whatever that difference is. I reject that someone imposes something on me that I am not convinced with as long as I am not hurting anyone, how would I accept this happening to someone else!

I’ve got to say that there weren’t a lot of things said clearly about homosexuals where I lived, the topic first appeared before the revolution when the TV presenter Wael El Ebrashy spoke about it, I was in primary school; he talked about a certain incident, and they kept saying that they’re gay and worshipers of the devil, may God forgive us. However, the first actual appearance and it was truly a big deal, was the band Mashrou’ Leila; you started hearing about people speaking about something else, the emotions are the same no matter where you’ll direct them. What was said to us then was “Oh! You listen to homos!”, and from this came the idea that he is free… there was a certainty, since I was young, that every human is free as long as he’s not hurting anyone, I have to preserve someone else’s freedom whether I am forced to or not.

As long as I was there, my means of knowledge about the sexual and gender pluralities was the internet, the internet was my way of dealing with the world from my village, I got Twitter and Facebook accounts after the revolution. And the revolution was very important because different communities have started to appear in light, and they started to gain an audience, so the questions began…. Who are they? What’s my position from them? Am I supposed to be in an opposing position just because the society says so?... One of the things I am happy with myself for is that I have never strictly proclaimed that any category of people or any behavior is wrong or forbidden, I was still trying to understand and so I left space to know who these people are to be able to make a judgment. Then you find out with time that you’re not supposed to make a judgment anyway, who are you to judge anyone, you only go back to one point, that no one hurts anyone… The internet was your way in a faraway village to be able to communicate with everyone as if you’re with them in the event, but I was still puzzled or scared that I believed in things but never experienced them in real life, how will they be, will I adhere to my beliefs or not?

When I came to Cairo and started to have homosexual friends I found that I am applying my convictions involuntarily, without even thinking or forcing myself. I found that dealing with them on social media made me capable of just being normal around them, I even refuse the word normal… what’s normal? They’re human beings just like anybody else. I felt it in the eyes of people from the queer community that I am weird to them, and I thought this was ordinary; communicating remotely for a long period of time put me in sort of an imaginary world. When I came to Cairo I started to understand that they suffer, so it’s ordinary to not trust those from outside, because they face rejection all the time, so if someone comes and says I accept you it would be hard to believe. I appreciated that, because they didn’t know me and they don’t encounter that daily. Many times, I sensed them wondering “Who are you to talk about us? You’re not one of us, you’re an outsider”, so I don’t have the right to talk about their problems; but I am not talking because you personally matter to me, I am selfishly safeguarding my own freedom by safeguarding yours, what I want is to be free and you’ll implicitly be free with me.

I thought of using my work as a researcher to work on the sexual and gender minorities, I don’t even want to use the word “Minorities”… The thing is, there are people who are still rejected from the society and who are being treated inhumanely, and I have the willingness to work on that. I refuse the idea of the queer community getting enclosed on its self, we all live in one society and we should all accept each other. I am able to understand their reasons, in the end we’re all looking for acceptance so it’s natural for them to form a community because they’re protective of themselves and each other. But when it comes to the cause and actualizing social acceptance, this requires openness from their side.

I spoke with dad about homosexuals, and I said the same things I mentioned before, that everyone is free and that in the end they’re not hurting anyone, he shouted at me, and said that they are sodomites and that I will go to hell with them. This is an important situation in the formation of my character; it was the first time dad says it clearly, no because of the society, not because of God, so we obey the society more than we obey the judgment and punishment. Although the confrontation was hard and shocking, yet when I remember what happened I feel proud of myself because I defended what I believed in, and because I am often scared of always proclaiming that I am a supporter of freedoms and in the time of a true test, I wouldn’t be owning up to what I say.

I believe this part of accepting the other has been in me since I was young, I never belonged to a group and was bigoted to it. I am supposedly Muslim, and I feel there’s a difference between raw religion and the religion we’re raised on and live by, the societal values and religious values have overlapped; since the time of the revolution I didn’t want anyone to say this is haram and that’s it, I want to understand why is it haram, am I supposed to be unjust to religion for the sake of society? Isn’t it possible that people may be wrong?... But there were also obvious things that I rejected, you Lord have brought a person that is different and you know he is suffering, are you enjoying his suffering? People from the queer community, from my experience with them, I am sure none of them has chosen this, a person found himself with emotions different from the predominant, a feeling he hasn’t made, why did God do this? Can someone explain to me so we can object? Don’t just tell me he’s mentally ill, this is obviously existent and natural in animals. Abraham himself asked him to prove to him, and he’s a prophet with all of his abilities, he asked a simple question, why? Where are you? Prove to me. So there I come, born in the nineties, how do you want me to comprehend this or deal with it! And he scares you saying you’ll go to hell! Why would I go to hell? Because I accepted someone that you Lord created this way?

Do what you’re convinced with, that’s my support; and I believe that this is the biggest thing I can offer to someone who feels rejected, I am telling you I accept you, I am with you, and I won’t treat you any differently just because you like something dissimilar to me, and we are capable of standing in a common position; we all love and we are human beings and have problems. I never felt their problems are different, I am a village girl and living in Cairo being exposed to a lot of pressure and oppression, I don’t want to say a minority, but as a girl I face hardships similar to theirs, because I do not adhere to the values the society has formulated for me, my personality doesn’t fit with it, and thus I am able to find a common position between myself and anyone else, because in the end I feel our problems and suffering or anything we face in life, all have the same essence with the differentiation of forms.

If I had put in my mind that this is haram, I would have gotten to know such beautiful people in my life that I thank God for, I feel I am lucky because they’re the closest people to me, because I haven’t forced borders between myself and those different from me; to me, it’s a true gain that I am not like this society.

Amal

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